Keep Going. Tell My Story.

I recently read a Paris Review interview with the author Ann Patchett on the subject of making time for writing despite life’s innumerable distractions. She spoke about having to ignore the pull of these distractions, for example when you realize you need, say, mustard, and you drop what you’re doing (or don’t even start) to go to the store to buy the mustard. Resist this urge, she argued. She explained how her family had gone many meals without mustard. This anecdote has stayed with me. Substitute mustard for: mayonnaise, cayenne pepper, paper towels, shin guards, printer ink, Reynolds wrap, rinse aid, thumbtacks, nose spray, birthday gifts, overdue library books, Mallomars, Halloween decorations, hangers, socks. The running list is endless. There are always errands we create to avoid writing.

What I’ve realized in the last few years as I’ve made writing a priority in my life is that we will always come up with reasons to leave the house, to not sit down when we’re tired, and the difference between those who leave and those who don’t is people who finish and people who don’t. Now as I’m on my way to my desk and I see toys that need to be put away or a book that needs to be re-shelved or an ingredient I need for a meal, I think: mustard. Mustard. Mustard. I tell myself to keep walking, to ignore it.         [Read more…]

College Essay Tips from Aaron Burr

While we’re talking, let me offer you some free advice
Talk less


Smile more


Don’t let them know what you’re against or what you’re for

You can’t be serious

You want to get ahead?


Fools who run their mouths off wind up dead

–(from “Aaron Burr, Sir” by Lin Manuel-Miranda)

The lyrics of this entire show have been looping in my head all summer, but I keep returning to this one as I sit down with incoming high school seniors to talk about the college essay. Here’s why:

Talk Less. Remember that old adage, show don’t tell? Same idea here: You can write that someone (or you) is happy or scared or frustrated or proud, but isn’t it more affective to describe the way a person’s eyes change when they smile, or how your body feels as you walk on to a stage or a field or in front of a podium? As Chekhov says, “Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.”

Smile more: Students often shy away from humorous topics, but often these essays entertain and win over readers more. Certainly, if you have a heavy topic on which you have much to say, you should try to write it, but occasionally the deep dark family drama will not comfortably translate to the limited word count required. Surprisingly, it ends up being the unexceptional moments in life that often make the more intriguing essay topics: how you wear your hair, the toppings you choose to put on your pizza, the sound your guitar makes as you’re learning to play. Of course you’ll end up writing about much more (your identity, your culture, your history) as you describe these seemingly ordinary moments, and that’s what can make your essay stand out, your ability to find deeper meaning in something unexpected (this is how metaphors are born, and these are the secret ingredient of strong personal essays).

Don’t let them know what you’re against or what you’re for. Do you want to spend your 600 words explaining how much you believe in affirmative action or how you’re against animal cruelty or gender discrimination? It’s not impossible, but it’s challenging. Better still, paint a picture of a moment in time in which you understood something about the world. But remember, it’s a scene you’re describing: when you understood how your house had a certain smell after being away for an extended period of time, how that hamburger tasted differently after learning about a slaughterhouse, when you opened your local paper and noticed how the coverage of boys’ sports always lands on the first page or above the fold. Just examples, here, but begin to pay attention to what gets you really going this fall.

Fools who run their mouths off wind up dead. Nothing turns people off more than braggarts, and the college essay is not a time to simply list your accomplishments, even if they’re thinly veiled in a litany of all of the service trips you’ve attended, soup kitchens you’ve visited, or underserved school children you’ve tutored. Of course, if you had a specific experience in one of these settings, by all means, write about it, but a general overview of your volunteer work does not a good essay make. Again, dig deep here: describe the facial expressions or body language of a person you had a one-of-a-kind experience with: the way a senior citizen’s voice language or voice changed when they spoke about a pivotal moment in their past; a little girl doing a cartwheel with straight legs for the first time, the sound that food makes as it settles into a bowl or a plate of a person who is hungry. Again, just ideas, but let these lead you towards moments of your own.

While we’re talking, let me offer you (one more piece of) some free advice: Don’t be discouraged if (when) this essay takes multiple drafts, weeks, eyes. In fact, in Bret Stephens’s recent New York Times article, “Tips for Aspiring Op-Ed Writers,” he cautions: “If you find writing easy, you’re doing it wrong.” This isn’t easy, and it might be the first time many seniors have attempted to do this type of writing. You have limited space, big expectations, and a lot of voices. Don’t shirk people (parents, teachers) who offer to help or give you feedback. There will come a time, soon, when no one will offer to help or even, for some lucky ones, pay for someone else to help you. On the flip slide, don’t be discouraged if you don’t have any help. You can do this. You don’t need big words; in fact, big words are distracting in a personal essay. Listen to the stories you tell other people; what are the thoughts you have in the shower, that distraction-free time so ripe for creative thinking? Record yourself telling a story, then transcribe it, edit it, and read it aloud.

And, if you know someone who could really use some help but can’t afford it, please send them along to me. I’m happy to help.




Person to Person

“Usually what happens in real life is that people ask you questions you can’t remember the answer to…When you do actually know a bit about something, it is such a pleasure to be asked a lot of questions about it.” -Anne Lamott

I hate small talk. Always have. I know it’s necessary – especially when you leave your house – but it’s tiresome, and doesn’t everyone really feel that way, at least a little? One of the unexpected benefits of working on a historical novel for the past eighteen months (and yes, I’m still being a little deliberately obscure about the topic), is that I’ve been required to schedule appointments or coffees or lunches with various experts in certain fields. To date, I’ve met with:

  • An EMT
  • Three high school juniors
  • A photography hobbyist
  • A physician’s assistant
  • My old neighbor from Darien (he’s 80 now and happens to live in the next town over; very lovely)

And while, yes, there’s always the requisite small talk at the beginning of our time together, eventually we get down to business. These various people have information in their heads that I cannot find in books. Anne Lamott talks about this idea in her chapter “Calling Around.” She also suggests that these calls can be a welcome break from the isolation of writing. So very true. And on more than one occasion, I didn’t actually walk away from the meeting with what I thought I was looking for, but these surprises are always welcome, especially when it comes to writing.

One of the more satisfying moments I’ve recently experienced is when a writer in my workshop commented that I must have spoken with an EMT because of something he read in one of my chapters (okay, if you’re wondering, I learned that EMTs are trained to walk, not run, on to a scene. They can not be out of breath when it’s time to help the patient. Isn’t this interesting?). People love to learn something when they read. While I know what it’s like to be a woman, a mom, a teacher, a little about publishing, to live in the northeast, be the youngest, left-handed, you get the idea – there is so much I don’t know related to the subjects I’m writing about. I am at the point in my writing process where I need to take breaks from the actual writing and add verisimilitude by grounding the fiction with subtle and actual truths. I still need to meet with:

  • Someone who has experienced PTSD
  • A professional photographer
  • Someone who is suffering from or has a family member with Parkinson’s
  • A male high school junior
  • And more that I don’t even know about yet